Quotable

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penThis morning, in a contemplative mood, I have been rereading old journals–the big Lee Valley, bound journals go all the way back to 2001! I keep finding quotations and poems and amazing passages about my ideal life (I have been fantasizing about leaving the college for at least 10 years–that in itself is a revelation). I’m putting the notebooks in chronological order and replacing them on the shelf. I’m trying not to feel foolish…and slow.

“Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of hard work and courage to get to know who you are and what you want.” -Sue Bender

The shooting at SPU, where I taught briefly, is part of this despondency. I remind myself that I loved my students and got a lot back from them, that I learned as much from them as they ever learned from me. The key is not to recriminate, but to learn and grow, to keep doing the hard work and showing the courage to know myself and what I want.

Keeping It Real…Small

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Yesterday I typed for a couple of hours and discovered that I have waaaayyyy more words than I thought. Around 25,000 in fact and maybe slightly more. My original, math-challenged goal was to write 30,000 words in May (math-challenged because I thought I would do this by writing 500 words per day). It’s astonishing (to me) to see that I almost made it.

Today my brain was all over the place. I wrote my 5 pages — handwritten, scrawled — of 500 words and thought, sadly, that I probably shouldn’t bother typing these up. That bad. Some days, it’s like that.

Yesterday, however, I read this quote from Maya Angelou, and it gives me heart:

What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks “the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.” And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I’m writing, I write. And then it’s as if the muse is convinced that I’m serious and says, “Okay. Okay. I’ll come.” –Maya Angelou

When I let my goals get huge and grand, I get discouraged. Keeping my goals small, oddly enough, allows them to expand. If you keep writing, the muse will show up. Just write. If you don’t have lots of time, write a little. Write a very, very little if that’s all you can do. But pick up your pen and see what happens.

Do what you love to do. Even if you have to keep it small (for now).

Know Thy Own Process

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horse2Last week I read someone’s advice to write a first draft without rereading. I tried to stick to that for…one day. Then I remembered Joan Didion’s Paris Review interview, in which she explains her process of rereading (and rewriting) from the beginning every day. That has always been my process, too. Aha, I thought, as if I’d been given permission, and I immediately returned to what works for me.

500 words a day (which isn’t even hard) and rereading every morning…at least until I have too much to reread.

As I reread I flesh out scenes and tweak dialogue. I write myself notes such as “Where are the birds?” or “Smells?” (I have a bad habit of leaving out smells.) Like Margie Lawson, while rereading I sometimes notice that none of my characters are wearing clothes.

Of course this is all personal, isn’t it? It’s almost a question of genre. (I notice how characters in Romance novels wear lots of clothes, but crime fiction characters wear almost none, unless stained with blood.) I find that my characters don’t need a lot of clothes. An occasional mention of bib overalls or an Easter bonnet poked full of real flowers, and I’m good.

The point is, KNOW THY OWN PROCESS. I’m reminded of child rearing. The books can be helpful, if they build your confidence and don’t dismantle it. Friends are helpful. But, finally, that’s your kid. You know her better than anyone else knows her. You’re the mom, and you have to (get to) decide what’s best.

Same with your writing process. By all means, push it a little farther (that could be part of your process). But it’s yours. Embrace it.

If only it were this easy…

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