Where I’ve Been

 

My mom has had a series of strokes and I’ve spent a lot of the last week in her hospital room. We thought we were losing her for a while there, but now she seems stronger and we’re just waiting to see. I’ll keep you posted. Meanwhile, a picture and a poem. (published in Jeopardy, spring 1992)

Calling a Daughter

Each spring you call me,
your word from home, some number
of new calves born on the farm,
your voice flowing

a dozen years of miles,
conjuring red and perfectly white babies stumbling
under their mothers’ bellies,
clean as Jesus, bawling “maa.”

I hear dishes clinking in a sink,
water’s fumble
as you wander your kitchen
tethered by the wall phone’s curling cord,
your kitchen where five children crept
underfoot and then abroad.

In summer dusk my name
swept the yard, curving
outward from your throat,
sound liquid as perfume spilling
from where you stood on the old porch
and I ran over the damp grass
waving my arms like wings.
One morning I found my way
down the road around that dangerous corner
to Granma’s house. She called you
on her black telephone
and you fetched me back,
tickling my legs with a switch
every step the way home.

After you hang up, I stand
on my own front porch where night air
blooms sudden and voluminous,
lavender and roses,
the scent of your powder puffs.
Memory, like a mother catches me up,
like you, lap at the upright piano,
fingers jangling ivory keys
Abundant grace you gave to me. 

How daughter looks like laughter,
sounds like water, 
always here, always going away.

Gratitude

CAM00284Remember my post a couple of weeks ago, quoting Maya Angelou, how she, when she couldn’t write, would laboriously write “The cat sat…” and so forth?

Sometimes when I’m not feeling it, when I feel I don’t have what I need to keep plugging along, I write down what I do have.

I’m grateful for 6 hours of sleep last night in my own bed. I’m grateful to have such a good family, my mom and sisters, my brother, my family here at home, too (husband, daughters). I’m grateful for the walk Pearly and I took the dog on yesterday, and the blackberry brambles that are blooming. I’m grateful for wild huckleberries.

I’m grateful for good friends who check up on me when I’m stressed. I’m grateful for good headache meds. I’m grateful for the 22 minutes this morning writing, reflectively, in  my journal. I’m grateful for the great candle, and for the Bach Guitar Suites CD.

And now I’m thinking that I could open my manuscript notebook and maybe do a little rereading. Maybe I could even write a few lines.

I wonder what my main character is grateful for? I wonder what the other characters might be grateful for?

Good Habits

CAM00232“First forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not. Habit will help you finish and polish your stories. Inspiration won’t. Habit is persistence in practice.” Octavia E. Butler

Why Pushing Ourselves Makes Us Less Productive

CAM00264Why Pushing Ourselves Makes Us Less Productive. I really love this post from  Lauren Sapala’s blog and wanted to share it with you. Timely for me.

“We can imagine the present moment as a seed, or the bud of a flower. Our creative force is contained in that seed and we are also present with it. As it unfolds into bright colors, strong roots, and fascinating twisty branches, we can stand calmly with it and observe. We can savor the unfolding…”

I took this picture for a post I imagined titling “Put Your Heart into It” — still makes sense.