The Fence

I have been gifted this quarter with students who argue with me. Try writing every day, I suggest. “I can’t do that,” they say. Try using a little dialogue, let us hear this character’s voice, I suggest. “I never remember what people say.” I felt confused by this sentence, I tell them in workshop. “I meant for it to be confusing,” they patiently explain. I don’t think that’s a word, I point out. “It is now,” they say.

Rather than spending any additional energy today trying to get these students to let down their defenses, I wonder if maybe they’re here to remind me to let down my defenses? What am I resisting? What am I afraid to learn?

I want to remember today not merely to think outside the box, but to remember that there is no box.

Cold Meds

Despite a sleepless night (couldn’t stop coughing), I decided I had to go to class today. Standing in the kitchen with my cold meds in my hand I said aloud, “If I take these I won’t be able to think straight in class. If I don’t take these, I’ll spread my germs to everyone.”

One of my teenagers said, “Take them. Your students will find it entertaining.”

This quote from my desk calendar felt appropriate:

“The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” -Henry Miller

Nag, nag, nag

“Intimacy is anarchic and mutual and definitionally incompatible with control.” Jonathan Franzen

I’m sick, sick enough that I felt justified in calling in sick to the college and going back to bed. I thought I would get up at ten or eleven and work on-line. Instead I slept nearly all day. But I also did some reading (when the meds were at their best and I didn’t have a crushing headache on top of this sore throat and cough). Somewhere — I can’t remember where! (I blame the meds) — I came across a comment about nagging. This is interesting, I thought. It’s a theme! When we nag, the comment ran, we don’t make progress. Did so! Did not! Did so! I thought of an exchange with Pearl not too long ago. I was giving her a ride to church, and as I parked in the lot, I patted her knee and said, “I’ve enjoyed this talk.” She pushed open the car door and jumped out, then leaned back in and said: “Actually? It was more of a lecture.” Slam.

When you negotiate you keep your options open. You agree to try some things, experiment and see what happens next. When that voice in your head says, “I can’t do that,” try to answer with another voice that says, “Well, could you do this? Could you just take a baby step toward that?”

Nagging or Negotiating?

I’ve been meaning to post an announcement (ta da!) for Annie — she passed her summer math class after all and is now happily enrolled in Math for Educators, the first math class she has ever loved. On the first day of classes, she told me that she was just going to drop from the new class and see if she could enroll late to repeat Math 90. I suggested that she talk to both teachers. “They might say no, Annie,” I told her. “They have a right to say no. But you have a right to ask.” First her Math for Educators teacher said she could stay in the class regardless. Then her Math 90 teacher recalculated the grade and discovered that Annie had a 2.2. Annie texted me (about 20 times) and came home for dinner BEAMING.

In my Creative Nonfiction class, my students listed trips, events, and 30 chapters, then chose one story to freewrite on in class. I challenged them to include some dialogue. When we read aloud afterwards, one student confessed that he had a terrible memory. “I don’t think I can do this,” he said, meaning tell a true story. “I never remember what people say. I’m either going to have to make stuff up or drop out.”

I suggested he try harder, and this is where my “nagging or negotiating” title comes from. I think I nagged him to try. A better approach would be to negotiate. Not all essays, even in the category of “Creative,”  after all, include dialogue. Even in a true story, the narrator might admit, I can’t remember the specific words, but our conversation went something like this…

He could carry a notebook and jot down what he wants to remember. He may find himself remembering more.