Obsession

HoaglandTony Hoagland said it so much better:

“A real diehard, indestructible, irresolvable obsession in a poet is nothing less than a blessing. The poet with an obsession never has to search for subject matter. It is always right there, welling up like an Artesian spring on a piece of property with bad drainage.” (To read the entire, very short essay, click on this link to Sabio Lantz’s blog “Fields of Yuan.”)

But I gave it a try. At It’s About Time, the reading series at the Seattle Public Library, Ballard Branch, last night I began by talking about what I learned from the OED about obsession, that it has a 16th century origin, from the word “siege,” and meant, originally, to besiege. What I notice, living among teenagers (like Jane Goodall among the chimpanzees, as I’m fond of saying) both daughters and students, is that we are besieged today by data. Smartphones chirping and humming all day with updates from Facebook, texts, Instagram, and who knows what-all they’re into, but also the usual suspects in our already very busy lives. To be a poet, IMHO, one must BE the besieger.

P1040959I then talked about one of my current obsessions — let’s call it a passion, shall we? — an old obsession, in fact, with the farm on which I grew up. The excerpt (above) from Hoagland’s essay provided a perfect segue, as our farm was both boggy and it had spring water. This was a problem for the surveyor (don’t call it wetlands, he warned us) as we needed a well associated with the property the house sits on in order to sell it. Wells in this corner of Lewis County often prove disappointing. My uncle says his water tastes of sulfur. When Mom sold the timberlands in May, we retained a one year right to the spring, but we hadn’t yet gotten around to contacting a well-digging company. Despite our one year agreement, when logging began, the water line was broken. The property has been logged before, of course. It was clearcut before my grandfather bought it in the early 1920s. In recent years, my dad had selectively logged some of the bigger timber.

A day or so before logging began, I took a walk across the property — in the rain — with my daughter Annie. We got soaking wet. We lost the old tractor road amid downed trees and overgrown undergrowth (no cows now to keep it down). I had hoped to walk all the way to Deer Creek, but in the deep woods we stopped and took several deep breaths, and turned back. I’d like to maintain that had it been a sunny day, I could have easily made it. As luck would have it, on turning back we immediately stumbled onto the new logging road, and walked out through splintered alder and fir trees.

P1040971I keep waking up at night and thinking of the trees. Sometimes specific trees, especially the big firs not far from the old barn, and the huge maples at the edge of the woodlands.

I lost my way in my talk, too. I had intended to weave in one more definition, of aporia. You can see the “pour” in this old word, and the a- which blocks it. In literature or philosophy aporia means an impasse or a paradox. Think of where the logs fell, preventing the water from passing through. When you’re obsessed with an issue, as an artist, you want to stick with it, to keep focusing on where you can’t seem to get through. It’s exactly where the most interesting stuff lies. Your job is to get it flowing again. To paraphrase my poetry professor, Nelson Bentley: When an image keeps returning to you, deviling you and ruining your sleep, that’s a poem asking to be written.

My talk was supposed to be a craft talk, but it turned into something as rambling as our walk across the farm that day. I think I should have titled it, “Where my next book of poems will spring from.” P1040951

 

What is your path? (2)

P1040995Today is the 20th birthday of my older daughters, Annie and Pearl. I can no longer say that I am the mother of three teenaged daughters, which, I feel, gave me a lot of street cred.  I so well remember being 20, and that sense I had then that my life was about to begin…but, somehow, wasn’t beginning. Who was I supposed to be? My mother had married at age 20 (in her family, she was considered an old maid), and I was no where near that. I don’t think my girls are either. But where boyfriends are concerned? They are already far more experienced than I ever was.

At the Ballard Branch of Seattle Public Library tomorrow evening (Thursday, July 11, 6 p.m.) I will be talking about obsession. Here’s one:

naming the boyfriends

A red car at an intersection occurs like a premonition.
My daughters’ boyfriends enter our lives bearing the names
of Old Testament prophets, saints, and Irish poets.
I gave my daughters each a name with a metaphor’s heft—
Emma Grace, Ann Rose, Pearl—as if they could become
their own talismans. Who are these cavalier young men
swaggering past me through the house’s corridors?
Tall, dark-clad, bearded, brooding,
my girls like lucky stones in their pockets?
I didn’t sleep half the night, and feel a pang
of the martyr’s guilt for having slept at all.
Who needs any other obsession, having children?
At the next intersection, three red cars and two red pickups.
For the next several blocks, red, red everywhere.

It’s about Time

Still working on what I’ll talk about, but I would love to see some of my writing friends there —
6 p.m., Seattle Public Library, Ballard Branch (click on the link to go to their site)
 
Allison Green, Drew Dillhunt, Benjamin Schmitt, & Bethany Reid on The Writer’s Craft

One wheelbarrow load at a time…

P1050033Maybe you’ve heard this story before. A traveler stops to watch some men working. One man pushes a wheelbarrow past, and the traveler asks him, “What are you doing?” The man scowls and says, “What do you think I’m doing? I’m pushing this damned wheelbarrow. It’s all I do, all day long.”

A few minutes later, another workman comes by with a second wheelbarrow. The traveler asks again, “What are you doing?”

The worker smiles broadly and then gestures toward a structure farther down the road. “Can’t you see? I’m building a cathedral!”

I thought of this last night while I was watching my daughters and their friends set off fireworks in our cul de sac. And I thought of it again this morning, as I turned the hourglass over and began writing again.

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