Quotable

/1 Comment/in /by

penThis morning, in a contemplative mood, I have been rereading old journals–the big Lee Valley, bound journals go all the way back to 2001! I keep finding quotations and poems and amazing passages about my ideal life (I have been fantasizing about leaving the college for at least 10 years–that in itself is a revelation). I’m putting the notebooks in chronological order and replacing them on the shelf. I’m trying not to feel foolish…and slow.

“Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of hard work and courage to get to know who you are and what you want.” -Sue Bender

The shooting at SPU, where I taught briefly, is part of this despondency. I remind myself that I loved my students and got a lot back from them, that I learned as much from them as they ever learned from me. The key is not to recriminate, but to learn and grow, to keep doing the hard work and showing the courage to know myself and what I want.

Be a big cup!

/0 Comments/in /by

“Don’t be a thimble when you can be a big cup. Expand your capacity to be happy and fulfilled, to create and enjoy your creations by expanding your heart and generous spirit. Lighten up. Hang loose. Take it easy. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Know that you are a holy vessel, a child of the universe, and all your desires are only a natural urge to exercise your divinity.” –Sonia Choquette (Your Heart’s Desire, 197)

I have been thinking for several days about sharing this quote. Probably my previous blog post, “Keeping it real…small” inspired this ramble, and in order to get work done it does help to keep it small, to write “in the cracks” (as Steven Pressfield puts it in his blogpost today…nice synchronicity there).

When I’m reluctant to write, when I’m feeling stuck, when I’ve had feedback that makes me want to quit, it really, really helps to think small.

Okay, Bethany, what if you just write for 15 minutes? Okay, Bethany, if you can’t write for 15 minutes, can you write for 5 minutes?

Just 5 minutes! How can I say no to that?

I use the same strategy when I’m negotiating with my daughters to get just a little work done. Five minutes with the guitar, how hard can that be! Five minutes on the science homework…  They can’t say no to five minutes, and neither can I.

And, here’s the key to how the whole thing works: Five minutes ALWAYS turns into more. And that’s where the “big cup” begins. 

One of my students, a 17-year old who had the world by the tail, recently told me, “I am very ambitious.” She wanted to be a novelist and she wanted me to tell her how to do that. Wow. The chutzpah!

But, yes. First, you have to imagine it, and you might as well imagine it big. Be ambitious for your dreams. To get yourself rolling, today, you might begin with a thimble.

 

 

 

Keeping It Real…Small

/1 Comment/in , /by

Yesterday I typed for a couple of hours and discovered that I have waaaayyyy more words than I thought. Around 25,000 in fact and maybe slightly more. My original, math-challenged goal was to write 30,000 words in May (math-challenged because I thought I would do this by writing 500 words per day). It’s astonishing (to me) to see that I almost made it.

Today my brain was all over the place. I wrote my 5 pages — handwritten, scrawled — of 500 words and thought, sadly, that I probably shouldn’t bother typing these up. That bad. Some days, it’s like that.

Yesterday, however, I read this quote from Maya Angelou, and it gives me heart:

What I try to do is write. I may write for two weeks “the cat sat on the mat, that is that, not a rat.” And it might be just the most boring and awful stuff. But I try. When I’m writing, I write. And then it’s as if the muse is convinced that I’m serious and says, “Okay. Okay. I’ll come.” –Maya Angelou

When I let my goals get huge and grand, I get discouraged. Keeping my goals small, oddly enough, allows them to expand. If you keep writing, the muse will show up. Just write. If you don’t have lots of time, write a little. Write a very, very little if that’s all you can do. But pick up your pen and see what happens.

Do what you love to do. Even if you have to keep it small (for now).

One Day at a Time

/0 Comments/in , /by

Between doctor appointments (mine and a daughter’s), a visit to my mom, and two quick trips to Bellingham, I am still writing. I now have about 16,000 words (14,000 of them typed). Yesterday I wrote my 500 words in my parked car, late in the afternoon while (ostensibly) running an errand. At Lauren Sapala’s blog, she calls this having faith in the process. Just 500 words, that isn’t so much. What’s the big deal if I miss a day? I’ll write 1000 tomorrow–I promise!

But it is a big deal, because writing every day (this would be true even if it were one, 17-syllable long sentence) is what creates the foundation for writing every day.

I’m reminded of my creative writing student Nathalie who used to come into class and shout, “I have 40 days!” “I have 41 days!” She was a recovering addict, and when she disappeared around mid-quarter, for about a week, I worried. When she came back, slinking in and sitting down as though she wished she were invisible, we couldn’t help but look at her, and wait. She raised her chin, looked back at us, and said, “I have one day.” By the end of the quarter, though, she had 17 days. One day generates the momentum for the next.

My daughters are on their way to the Lady Gaga concert at Key Arena this evening. And you think I’m obsessed with working every day on your art?