Sunday Morning

Chocolate Is a Verb today…

My brother visited Mom yesterday, for several hours I understand, and will be back today. I’m taking the weekend off from Mom-duty, and I had this fantasy that I would get some writing done, and some laundry.

Instead I slept, went to a movie (The Grand Budapest Hotel) with my husband, took the dog for a long walk through the woods, had dinner — at home — two nights in a row, and — did I already say — slept?

I watched Netflix (Warehouse 13, mostly) with Annie. I watched Upworthy videos and played Spider Solitaire. I meant to do my blog roll post, but instead I reread everyone else’s and…veged.

I think I needed to vege.

It’s a beautiful, sunshot Pacific Northwest day. Earlier this week we thought my mom was (again) dying. We were told that she is in renal failure. She couldn’t talk to us, she scarcely ate anything, and she never got out of bed from Sunday evening to Thursday. On Friday, when I arrived very early in the morning, I found her sitting up, smiling, eating. Over the last two days she has continued feeling better, is talking more clearly, and she is able to work with the physical therapists. My sister and I this week will look for a facility closer to one of us, one with a private room.

As Kurt Vonnegut says, “And so it goes.”

My good friend Madelon, when I (quite a long time ago) confessed that I was wasting a lot of time playing cards on my computer, said, “That’s probably what you need to do.” She’s a behavioral therapist with more than one doctorate, so I believed her then (my kids were small) and I am going to channel her now.

CAM00323I am going to trust that the writing will be there (yes, I am still journaling) and the blog roll post, and send outs…

And, today, I will do some laundry. 

blog touring 2014…

Click on this link to go to CHOCOLATE IS A VERB and a fabulous post all about blog touring 2014…. You’ll find that JK has written all about the process of these amazing collages, or found poems (almost 700 of them!), and link you to some other great blogs. I’m still pretty overwhelmed with personal stuff, but hope I’ll be able to get organized and join the blog tour in the next week or so.

 

 

Be Kind, Work Hard, Give Thanks

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I saw this bag at the Pacific Northwest Writers Association (PNWA) conference… which I managed to attend sporadically last week despite also driving back and forth to Olympia to see my mother four times (five times!). PNWA where, incidentally, I came in second (!) in two of the fiction categories (short story and mainstream), and met several agents and editors who invited me to show them some pages.

Up and down. That was my week. Mom was better, then she was worse. Then, a little progress in physical therapy gave us hope. Seeing her grandkids from out of state gave us hope. Learning to accept a new reality gave me more hope than I expected.

Last week I felt really really brave. When my literary  agent suggested I find “fresh eyes,” I gave her up without the slightest angst (very unlike me).  The bag, by the way, belongs to an editor at Sourcebooks, who would like to see the novel. I met lots and lots of very cool writers who, like me, are throwing their hearts into the ring…

I also met some really wonderful nurses and CNAs who definitely know how to be be kind, work hard, and give thanks.

At this point, on all fronts, I am simply waiting to see what happens next.  And I’m taking notes.

 

If it’s not fun…

I saw this bumper sticker the other day as I drove to Olympia to sit at my mother’s bedside. It royally pissed me off.

My brain (which is like a hamster on a wheel these days…and nights) went to other things…like writing…as well as the big-life things like one’s mother being so ill.

It kind of sounds fun, writing a novel. Getting fit–or getting really healthy on a great diet–any of that can sound fun, at first. Then you realize that it’s work. If your intent is to have fun all the time, then I predict that you will be eating a lot of ice cream (weighing 280 pounds), entertaining yourself constantly with your iphone or tv or whatever, and NOT finishing a novel, or a short story, or a poem.

Sitting with my mom is not fun, and it made me think of when my 14 year old had her meltdown earlier this year. There is really no where else I would rather be, even in hard times, than with these very important people in my life. I want to be the kind of person who is there for the hard stuff, the kind of person who doesn’t flinch from the hard stuff.  My friend Louise, who is an Early Childhood educator, once described it to me as being on a bus ride. You can’t get off that bus, not easily (some people do get off). As she used to say to her teenaged sons, “I’ve enjoyed growing up with you.” (She says it to me, too!)

So, how is this also about writing? There is something for you — in the work, whatever the work is today — that you must learn, something you can only learn by being present with it. I wish you the strength to be present today with your most important work, even when it isn’t fun. I promise you moments of astonishing beauty, moments that you will only reach by being there.