Home again, home again, jiggity jig…
I am in a blue mood, what my husband calls “the Dempsey Dumpster.” Yesterday was my first real day back at work on the novel and it did not go well. I stayed in my office, groaning and fidgeting and not writing for four hours.
I have forgotten how to write. I was never a good writer. I have been suffering from a delusion all these years. What crap the book is! How embarrassing that I actually gave this to my friends to read! What was I thinking?
I went to the gym and walked for 2 1/2 miles (at least I hadn’t forgotten how to walk). I came home and showered. My girls waylaid me and wanted to meet some friends at the zoo. Remember, my girls are 19, 19, and 13 — two of them can drive — I dropped everything and took them to the zoo. Okay, I dropped them at the zoo. I went to Julia’s in Wallingford and drank wine and felt sorry for myself. I called my friend Priscilla, who could not drop everything to join me. (She was working! The nerve!) After the zoo, the girls and I went to Fremont and hiked up the hill to look at the Fremont Bridge troll. (What genius!) We went to the discount theatre in Shoreline, The Crest, and saw The Hunger Games (which was brilliant and so much grittier and darker and more interesting than anything I will ever create).
I came down with a migraine and went to bed thoroughly medicated. This morning, I woke (no headache) at 6:00 and I remembered, I always do this. If I take time off from writing, it takes me a minimum of three days to get back inside.
So here I am. Writing. Writing badly. Tomorrow it will feel a little better.
(Speaking of grittier: the picture — of my sibs and my cousin Lori — reminds me actress Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone. Although I would like to recommend both the novel and the movie, I have to tell you that they are brutal.)
Nothing like honesty to make everyone else feel they are not alone. I remember a quote from C.S. Lewis (I think) “We read to know we are not alone.” Today I have your headache, I went to Feldendraiss, it is better. I can’t tolerate the meds to relieve a bad headache, mine isn’t debilitating. Hunger Games, hmmmm – I went with Maya, 13, she explained it all to me first and during the movie. It is awful, but more true than I want to believe.
Annie made me read the book first. Watching the movie I felt very, very strongly that it is all true. And we don’t have to send our young people to Afghanistan to sacrifice them, there’s so many ways in which we sell them out for our own peace and consumption. I will not go on and on about this, but I could.
I’m sorry you’re having trouble with your novel. Surely you realize that degrading yourself isn’t going to get the job done. You’re a great writer, and I enjoy reading your blog posts. Keep trying. Don’t give up.
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author of
We Shall Overcome
and
How to Build a Better Mousetrap: Recollections and Reflections of a Family Caregiver
http://abbiejohnsontaylor.com/blog
Abbie, you are a gift. Thank you!